$20,000 Flash Fiction Contest Entries

Did you hear about this absurdly great $20,000 prize for a 100 word story? I wrote three "stories," though you can only enter two. Thought it would be fun to share them. They're all pretty stupid. Here they are!


Two Poets

Two poets sat arguing about how their words would change the world.

"My words are so beautiful that they will inspire the people to overthrow their oppressors," said one.

"No, my words are so haunting they will drive people into each other's loving, warm embraces, where forever they will linger," said the other.

"Romance is a low aim of poetry," said the first poet. "My poems will bring justice!"

The second poet laughed. "What are you, a virgin?"

The first poet, deeply embarrassed, silently nodded yes.

"It is okay," said the second poet. "I am too. Like all poets."

Squirrel Birthday Party

I saw a squirrel in a jar. How did it get into the jar? Did it climb in, searching for the last bit of peanut butter? Was it stuck there by a sadistic child?

I let it out, and was surprised when the squirrel turned to me and asked why I had removed him from his resting place.

"I was trying to help," I replied.

"Well, sometimes things are best left alone," said the squirrel. "Don't you know glass jars are the best places for smelling your own farts? You ruined my birthday!"

I apologized and put him back.

Paws Off!

“Paws off!” the girl whispered to her dog. She had taken him to the art gallery with the explicit understanding that he was not to touch the paintings. “But it looks so real,” said the pup, admiring a still life of a fish and basket of fruit. “You should know better,” chided the girl, “your father was an artist.”

“My father was a drunk with a paintbrush”, the dog said bitterly. The girl thought maybe he was just saying this to sound interesting and decided to ignore the comment. “Let’s get a snack in the café”. The dog wagged his tail.